Weed Staveley paws:
I think I may have to rip up a cushion in protest… too much has been going on at Weed Villas. Firstly, my human slaves had the audacity to go off on two jaunts in one month without me, leaving me without 24 hour crunchies and having to find a refuge away from my half-sister, henceforth known as the little black rat (LBR). Then came a whole stream of visitors which not only meant lots of cackling, the vile smell of that strange red liquid stuff in glasses and my slaves not being up early to give me breakfast when I order it but also that I could not sleep in my favourite places on top of the spare duvet (newly washed, naturally) or on the furry chair (furry, because I sleep on it!) And I nearly left home when one of the guests brought a white mutt with them. It’s outrageous. We operate a No Dogs policy at Weed Villas… primarily because they scare the whiskers off me.
To add further insult, my male slave (ok Daddy) asked the builders to come back so there has been lots of noise, dust in my bowl and nowhere to sit in the dining room because they’ve taken the sofa out. And as for Mummy, well, I’ve hardly had so much as a cuddle or a fuss as she’s been spending days up ladders with bits of paper in her hands and a strange stick with UHU written on it. Is that something to do with aliens? Have they taken over her body? I’d better pounce on her head early in the morning just to make sure it’s still ‘her’…
It’s all too much for an elderly lady from Batt’sea, I tell you. Even the lovely half-dead mouse that I brought in as a softener for my parents didn’t get the reception it deserved. What else is a cat to do?
When I get a moment’s peace, I spend it in my refuge in the cantina where I am busy drawing up plans for world domination. So far it involves 23 cat friends, a long piece of string, a pea-shooter and some out-of-date mascarpone. But please don’t tell the LBR as she’s bound to rat, being one herself.
Goodbye for now, comrades.
9 October 2010
YUM!
Stinky dribbles:
I is allwayz hungree. It was nice today becoz daddy an mummy cleared out the frige so I got onto the worktop and stole lotz of treetz. Mmmmm – sosiges are my favoret!
Itz bean cold at our howse so ive been hiding under the duvay in ma an pa’s room as itz so snuggely. Daddy sayz that I have won the lotto, but I dont know wot that meenz. I hope its edibel. They dont seem to mind me sharing their bed at nite as I keeps their toez warm, except at 5 in the morning when I squeez in between them and bumbel as lowdly as I can. Sumtimes I uses me clawz, sumtimes i pownce on their head, sumtimes I just likk them all over. I wants them to wake up becoz i needs my brekfast, i do. Actually I needs my brekfast, elevensies, twelvesies, lunch, dinner, supper, midnite snax and a few treets in between. When I is not eeting stuff from cupbordz and friges, i likes eeting moffs and spiderz. I also luve to pownce on an nibble cricketz in the gardin. And mummy has bought a new dress and it was so nice to drool on an try to eet the sparkly bitz.
Itz been reely nice for the last few dayz becoz mummy hasn’t bean very well so ive bean able to lick her dressing gown a lot and bite her ankels wifout her telling me off, altho she did shout at me when I chased Big Cat. Big Cat is such a good runner, I cant help it! She doesnt like me very much tho coz she cant speek italien.
I luves me mummy. She looked after me wen I waz so small my seeing sawcers werent even open an she browght me up good an proper too. I is nawghty now but she tells me she still luves me. She allwayz lets me nuzzle into her nekk and plays stick games wif me. I help her in the gardin and i is espechally clever at making holes in her vegitible patch.
Daddy is my favoret tho. He was the one who found me alltho he thowght i was a ferrit. Now i is all grown up into a sort of cat, but he sayz me ears are too big, me head is too small, me legs are too long, me tong is too licky an me meeow is too squeeky to be a proper cat. I dont mind coz it makes me ewe unik uneeq... unusuel. Daddy playz lots. He putz me on his nees upsidedown an I stickz my paws in the air an he pushes them up an down. Its such a fun game an sumtimes we do it for hourz. I is a very lucky rat-cat.
Well, ive just bean given me delishus dinner so I is a bit snoozy now. Better go an find somewhere warm an soft an preferably made of silk to sleep on.
Nitey nite.
I is allwayz hungree. It was nice today becoz daddy an mummy cleared out the frige so I got onto the worktop and stole lotz of treetz. Mmmmm – sosiges are my favoret!
Itz bean cold at our howse so ive been hiding under the duvay in ma an pa’s room as itz so snuggely. Daddy sayz that I have won the lotto, but I dont know wot that meenz. I hope its edibel. They dont seem to mind me sharing their bed at nite as I keeps their toez warm, except at 5 in the morning when I squeez in between them and bumbel as lowdly as I can. Sumtimes I uses me clawz, sumtimes i pownce on their head, sumtimes I just likk them all over. I wants them to wake up becoz i needs my brekfast, i do. Actually I needs my brekfast, elevensies, twelvesies, lunch, dinner, supper, midnite snax and a few treets in between. When I is not eeting stuff from cupbordz and friges, i likes eeting moffs and spiderz. I also luve to pownce on an nibble cricketz in the gardin. And mummy has bought a new dress and it was so nice to drool on an try to eet the sparkly bitz.
Itz been reely nice for the last few dayz becoz mummy hasn’t bean very well so ive bean able to lick her dressing gown a lot and bite her ankels wifout her telling me off, altho she did shout at me when I chased Big Cat. Big Cat is such a good runner, I cant help it! She doesnt like me very much tho coz she cant speek italien.
I luves me mummy. She looked after me wen I waz so small my seeing sawcers werent even open an she browght me up good an proper too. I is nawghty now but she tells me she still luves me. She allwayz lets me nuzzle into her nekk and plays stick games wif me. I help her in the gardin and i is espechally clever at making holes in her vegitible patch.
Daddy is my favoret tho. He was the one who found me alltho he thowght i was a ferrit. Now i is all grown up into a sort of cat, but he sayz me ears are too big, me head is too small, me legs are too long, me tong is too licky an me meeow is too squeeky to be a proper cat. I dont mind coz it makes me ewe unik uneeq... unusuel. Daddy playz lots. He putz me on his nees upsidedown an I stickz my paws in the air an he pushes them up an down. Its such a fun game an sumtimes we do it for hourz. I is a very lucky rat-cat.
Well, ive just bean given me delishus dinner so I is a bit snoozy now. Better go an find somewhere warm an soft an preferably made of silk to sleep on.
Nitey nite.
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